Living life on the borderline


Posted on: June 12, 2010

Why is it that the skinny, bitchy girl gets all the friends and all the boys talking to her? Is it because she’s thin and pretty? Are people really that shallow?

It’s not even that I want any attention from boys. Well. It would be nice to get more than a grunt or two words, sure. But they’re allllll over her, of course. What is it about me? I’m just some fat, bumbling, awkward, disgusting, repellent little lard-ass that people wouldn’t touch with a barge pole.

It really does make me want to give up on socialising. Of course, the CAMHS team would have several litters of kittens if I did just go back to curling up in the corner of the living room in my pyjamas all day. It’s tempting, though.

I’m trying to convince myself that I have bad hayfever today (yeah, with no sun, no wind and not even outside) and that I’m not crying at random moments. With proper clothes over my pyjamas until my family gets back and then I can put my dressing gown on again.

I also have work in… just over an hour. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to do anything. Mum’s asked me to make a list of all the things I want to do. I thought about live music gigs and going to the theatre and chilling out by the river. Then I said:

“Sleep. Get thin. Die.”


Wow, I’m depressing today. Ignore this post. Ignore me. Please.


2 Responses to "Why?"

As a former boy, I can tell you. Boys are afraid of our own sexuality, and in addition society encourages us to think of our sexuality as dangerous. A skinny girl seems less sexually mature, and therefore less dangerous, so boys feel safer talking to her. A bitchy girl seems less likely to form a relationship, and therefore also less dangerous. Skinny and bitchy at the same time is safest of all for us. Are people really that shallow? Yep.

Oooh wow. Thanks for the insider information.

This is going to sound really sexist, but I never seem to think of how things are from a boys’ perspective. I just come from a bitchy-hormonal-woman-girl perspective…

outwardly x

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About the blogger.

I'm an 18 year old girl/woman/person of the female gender who blogs about growing up, living with mental health problems and her experience with the NHS mental health services, both CAMHS and CMHTs. Expect plenty of teenage angst and general craziness. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

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