Living life on the borderline

You don’t get what you want, sometimes.

Posted on: June 14, 2010

You get what you need.

That phrase, or something similar to it, is going through my head a lot recently. Hmm.

Mood is somewhat stable, so I’m taking advantage of it by doing what I can and preparing for any other slip-ups. I’m more aware of the thoughts that lead up to me  doing stuff like overdosing or trying to jump in front of trains. So I’m making a special ‘box’ to prepare for times like that. It’s going to be full of photos of people (and pets!) I love, letters and cards from friends and a letter I’ve written to myself. I sound even more crazy, I know.

When I’m feeling impulsive, I don’t really remember it. I’m usually very energetic, but that’s not the word I’m looking for. It’s almost like… mania. I can’t stop moving, I have to act on the impulse to get it out my head. So the majority of the box will be visual things, like photos. I don’t have enough focus to read much in the thick of it. It’ll also have all the numbers for helplines, CAMHS, the crisis team(s), etc.

Hopefully, this will help. I’m going to try anyway. I don’t know whether the unstable moods are scarier during them or while you’re waiting for them to return. The calm before the storm, as it were.

I’ve been walking, cycling and swimming today. Check me out.

I’m going to look at the kinds of live music events there are and stuff. I’ve got it into my head that I want to go to a festival (since reading the post about festivals on the Mental Nurse blog!) or something like it, even just for a day.


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About the blogger.

I'm an 18 year old girl/woman/person of the female gender who blogs about growing up, living with mental health problems and her experience with the NHS mental health services, both CAMHS and CMHTs. Expect plenty of teenage angst and general craziness. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

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