Living life on the borderline

This is where a title should go.

Posted on: June 19, 2010

I can’t think of a title, so, there we go.

Things are, well, how they are. Good and bad. The big “past” has been rearing its ugly head again, which means my conversations are pretty much limited to “I can’t cope with all of this” and “What should I study at university?”. Literally. That is all I talk about.

I need to get flipping university out of my head and stop worrying about it. Other people sail through life blissfully without a clue where they’re going – what makes me so different? I want to work with children with learning disabilities and/or mental health problems. Simple? OhEmGeenotreally.

I could do psychology. I like psychology, from current studies. But then I like the idea of social work, in fact I’d love to be an AMHP. I also like the sound of medicine and psychiatry. But I don’t have the whatsit to study medicine for the next seventy-five years. Or I could study to do Early Years. I’ve proved I work especially well with very very young children.

Or, alternatively, I could say “screw that” and do what I’d really really like to do and study drama and theatre, or fine art. Much to the disappointment of my family. Iwanttododrama, Iwanttododrama.

Sooooo. Arrrrrggghhh. I don’t if I can even cope with university, I don’t even know what I’m doing.

Okay, I’m going to shut up now.

Yes, the big “a” word is looming large. A lot of flashbacks and nightmares and stuff. I let it continue for a long time. I know that may sound a bit controversial, but I did. I thought to myself “He mustn’t know what he’s doing. He doesn’t know.” So it went on and on and on and on and now I’m screwed up. And feel very guilty. And miss him. Wow, I’m very stupid.

Oh I can’t even talk at the moment. I thought I should update so, there you have it.

Advertisements

2 Responses to "This is where a title should go."

A lot of flashbacks and nightmares and stuff. I let it continue for a long time. I know that may sound a bit controversial, but I did. I thought to myself “He mustn’t know what he’s doing. He doesn’t know.” So it went on and on and on and on and now I’m screwed up. And feel very guilty. And miss him. Wow, I’m very stupid.

Oh sweetie, I can totally relate to this and think the same about myself in similar circumstances, but from an outsider’s POV – really, you are not stupid; the writing in here your blog proves that. I also think that thoughts of ‘letting them’ continue and missing them are pretty common, so please try not to berate yourself too much in that regard.

Heh, I’m such a hypocrite because I’d never listen to my own rationalisations 😉 But there it is anyhow. I hope you are as OK as the circumstances will allow.

Take care of yourself.

Hugs

Pan x

(PS. Would you mind if I added you to my blogroll?)

Thank you 🙂 Yeah, I tend not to take my own advice as well! But thank you… having understanding helps a lot, so thanks.

Sure! I’ll add you to mine too X

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

About the blogger.

I'm an 18 year old girl/woman/person of the female gender who blogs about growing up, living with mental health problems and her experience with the NHS mental health services, both CAMHS and CMHTs. Expect plenty of teenage angst and general craziness. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

...delivered straight to your inbox. How could you want for more?

Join 62 other followers

Shiny Awards

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Nosy people

  • 17,062 views

Categories

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: