Living life on the borderline

outwardly vs the “system” – the first stage.

Posted on: April 25, 2011

My tutor would be proud I am using my English skills… maybe not in the way I’m having to now, though!

After several phonecalls and messages to the local NHS Complaints Service, I got in touch with someone and relayed my initial concerns. I recieved a letter a few days later explaining my options – see if PALS could do anything, or bring in the big guns and go for a full Official Complaint.

Guess what this crazy little borderliner chose…

….obviously the latter option. We just love the drama!

No, really, I have tried being nice with them. Various family members have tried being nice. My old support worker tried being nice. Hell, family friends have tried being nice! But everyone enjoys, when reaching out for help, being told that “nobody’s keeping you here”. Surely that’s an of-sorts admission of providing a lame service?


I’m glad that I like typing and writing letters, because I am writing a lot of them now! I’m going to request copies of my notes at the CMHT (enjoyable reading, I’m sure) which I have to do by letter. Then there is the official complaint letter where I vomit my woe onto several pages in the hope that something changes. Part of the complaint is detailing what you’d like to happen or be resolved. To be honest, after the treatment I’ve experienced, I would much rather be referred somewhere else or at least see someone different. So much is being locked in while I have nowhere to express it, as I’ve been denied accessing trauma/sexual abuse counselling because I “should” talk to my care co-ordinator. I may be being overly emotional about the subject, but I don’t think you can force someone into opening up about things, especially things like that.

Considering one of the major goals for my transfer from CAMHS to the CMHT was more specialised trauma therapy (whether that genuinely contributed to BPD or not), the lack of it, more to the point, the blatant disregard of sensitivity and respect for my experiences and reactions to it is… upsetting to say the least.

Things in general have been going downhill, relating to my ED and flashbacks/intrusive memories. I don’t want to go into details, I don’t see why I need to, at least at the moment. But things aren’t great and I just wish this complaint process would be over with and I was seeing a team more supportive and just yes.

Only a few weeks left and my first year at college is over. Things are going to get much harder and I just don’t know if I’m ready for it yet. I don’t know if I can deal with anything right now.


1 Response to "outwardly vs the “system” – the first stage."

I wish I had something vaguely productive to say, but as ever…I don’t.

But for what it’s worth though. I think you’re absolutely doing the right thing. They (or at least some of ‘they‘) might suggest it’s borderline, but it isn’t. You have a fully legitimate complaint about your healthcare.

Ask them if they’d be so keen to demonise your query if they’d, say, diagnosed a leg fracture when there wasn’t one. If they don’t like that, and if they’d not been so keen to diagnose a fracture if same was not there by all requirements, why should they make unfounded assumptions about a mental health condition?

Whatever the case – whether you have BPD or not is irrelevant. You have mental distress (in my view much more along the lined of PTSD, but I’m no expert). You deseve a million times better than what you’ve got to date, so I completely applaud you for fami g your complaint further.

Lots and lots and lots of luck, lovely. You deserve it.

Pan xxxxx

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About the blogger.

I'm an 18 year old girl/woman/person of the female gender who blogs about growing up, living with mental health problems and her experience with the NHS mental health services, both CAMHS and CMHTs. Expect plenty of teenage angst and general craziness. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

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