Living life on the borderline

A mess.

Posted on: November 16, 2011

Not sure how to fix this mess. All I do is drink, purge, cut, exercise, starve, sleep. Rinse and repeat.

I don’t want to go into hospital or into a crisis centre or whatever because I’m scared of males at the moment but I can’t tell my care team that. Being in a mixed-gender environment 24/7 where I couldn’t self harm or drink would tip me over the edge. I don’t know how this episode is going to end. There’s no point in ringing the crisis team because I don’t know what’s wrong and I don’t know how to fix it and I don’t know if I want to fix it because I’m so bloody tired now.

My hamster is alive and that’s good and so are my cats and I bought some toy turtles to cheer myself up. I’ve deleted Facebook and stopped answering my phone because human interaction is painful. I’m seriously considering dropping out of college.

And my stash of alcohol has run out.

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3 Responses to "A mess."

😦 I’m sorry you’re struggling, I can empathise with how hard it is when you just want to self destruct and you don’t know how to find your way out. xx

I wish Inhad something useful to say 😦 Just…hugs and love. Thinking of you xxx

i really hope this gets better, i know its really hard when you start spiralling. Im thinking of you, look after yourself.
Alice x

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About the blogger.

I'm an 18 year old girl/woman/person of the female gender who blogs about growing up, living with mental health problems and her experience with the NHS mental health services, both CAMHS and CMHTs. Expect plenty of teenage angst and general craziness. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

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